An abuse victim leaves her abuser on average seven times before she leaves for good. It’s hard to understand why women stay with or return to the men that hurt them, but you have to remember an abuser’s most lethal weapon is his ability to manipulate his victim’s mind. Leaving is far more difficult than people think. Fear, intimidation, lack of financial resources, and shame are just a few of the reasons women stay or return. If children are involved, it’s even more complicated. Many women truly have or feel they have nowhere to go. She won't ask you for help, she feels you will sit in judgement of her, not understand and think she is stupid.
Crisis shelters fill up fast and are few and far between as it is. And sadly, as far as we’ve come in regards to strengthening laws to protect women, it’s still way too easy for abusers to track down their victims and murder them. That is when most murders take place, after she leaves. So some women just stay, hoping to survive another day. We need more crisis shelters and we need to educate people more about the dynamics and mechanics of domestic violence. And most of all, we need to shed our own preconceived notions about the victims. They need our support and empathy. I learned that the hard way. I used to judge other women who stayed with their abusers too. And I stayed on that high horse until the man I loved knocked me off with his fists.
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| You taught me one of the biggest lessons of my life, which was to value my own worth. |
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